


The Nine-Tails Challenge

by esmeraldablazingsky



Series: The Akatsuki vs. Ayame [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki - Freeform, Crack, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Itachi is both a good and terrible partner, Kisame gets his ass kicked, Kisame regrets everything, Ramen, excessive amounts of ramen, teuchi and ayame save konoha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 15:50:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11924154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmeraldablazingsky/pseuds/esmeraldablazingsky
Summary: Itachi and Kisame come to Konoha expecting to find the Nine-Tails. They know it'll be a challenge, but were they prepared for the fight of their (Kisame's) lives?!(Spoiler alert: no.)





	The Nine-Tails Challenge

The sound of bells floated on the breeze towards Konoha as two black-cloaked figures advanced towards the village, intent on their target. 

"We're here for the Nine-Tails, right?" asked Kisame, and Itachi nodded, eyes staring straight ahead. 

"Well, you're talkative," observed Kisame with only a hint of mild sarcasm. 

"Hmm," Itachi replied. They approached the gates of the village and Itachi stared down the guards until they slumped to the floor, unconscious. Itachi stepped over them without a word, and Kisame followed him into the city, trusting Itachi's judgement and experience not to lead them astray. 

They mostly encountered civilians, not shinobi, but even so, Kisame assumed that Itachi was using some sort of illusion to conceal the two of them, as not even one person gave them a second glance. 

Finally, Itachi stopped, and Kisame looked over his shoulder to see what he had found. They had come to a rather unassuming-looking ramen stall, and Kisame wondered what in the world Itachi could possibly have seen here, of all places. 

Maybe he was just hungry? Kisame hoped so. Neither of them had eaten all day, and the smell of ramen was enticing. 

Itachi ducked into the ramen stall, and Kisame tried not to let his hopes get too high. The two of them took a seat at the counter, which was empty except for them, and Itachi folded his hands before him, leaning forward and fixing his eyes on the shop proprietor. 

"Hello, what would you like today?" asked the ramen vendor- Teuchi, according to his name tag. 

"Tell us where to find the Nine-Tails," said Itachi, turning his intimidation up to 11. 

"Hmm, the Nine-Tails...?" said Teuchi, considering. He opened his mouth to speak, but his assistant bumped into him with a giant pot of ramen before he could answer.

"Oh, sorry, dad," said the assistant, evidently his daughter, giving Teuchi a meaningful look.

"That's okay, Ayame," said Teuchi, then turned back to Itachi and Kisame, who were both staring at him expectantly. 

"Hmm... you mean the Nine-Tails Challenge?" asked Teuchi after a pause. Itachi arched one eyebrow at him.

"What?" he asked, intrigued.

"The Nine-Tails Challenge," said Teuchi again, in a rush. "It's my secret menu item. Nobody has managed to beat it yet." 

A challenge, huh? Kisame licked his lips in anticipation. Itachi was looking more and more suspicious by the second, but he couldn't seem to just get up and look for more information. Kisame grinned to himself. Maybe Itachi would let him do the Nine-Tails Challenge, whatever that was anyway. 

"What exactly does that entail?" asked Itachi slowly. 

"Nine bowls of our finest ramen," said Teuchi. 

"Is there a time limit?" asked Kisame.

"No, but I'm sure you'll surrender of your own volition," said Teuchi with a smile.

Kisame considered that for a moment. Sure, that sounded like a bit of a menacing ultimatum, but he was starting to get really hungry, and nine bowls of ramen? With no time limit? That was nothing. 

"So, are you up for the challenge?" asked Teuchi, noting Kisame's obvious interest. Itachi opened his mouth to refuse, having finally recovered his better judgement, but Kisame cut him off. 

"Of course," he said, and Itachi sighed. Teuchi's grin widened, and he turned to Ayame, who nodded reluctantly.

"Kisame, you talk with your stomach," muttered Itachi under his breath. 

"You could hunt the Nine-Tails on your own," replied Kisame. "I'm sure I'll be finished before too long." Itachi shrugged.

"Then it will only be a minor inconvenience," he said. "I'll wait for you." 

"Thanks," said Kisame. Itachi nodded in acknowledgement, and Kisame shifted in his seat, preparing for the challenge ahead. 

"Get our nine biggest bowls," whispered Teuchi to Ayame in the back of the restaurant.

"No, I have an idea," said Ayame. "Each bowl is bigger than the last."

"As long as it's sure to defeat that shark guy," agreed Teuchi. "I'm putting my faith in you, Ayame." Ayame nodded and turned to her first, greatest task as the heiress to Ichiraku Ramen- defeating a member of the Akatsuki with ramen alone. 

"Bring it on," whispered Ayame.

"Bring it on," demanded Kisame, and thus began the greatest confrontation ever to face the Leaf. 

 

The first bowl of ramen, decided Kisame, was rather unimpressive. It was good ramen, though, and he tipped the bowl back to finish off the broth as Itachi watched with avid interest, his chin propped on his hand. 

"Think you can handle eight more of those?" asked Itachi, dark eyes crinkling at the corners and a trace of amusement coloring his impassive voice. 

"Sure," said Kisame. After all, there was no time limit. Maybe Teuchi had just been making empty threats. 

Kisame was so focused on his ramen that he almost, almost didn't notice that the second bowl was bigger than the first. It wasn't that much of a difference, though, and he swallowed his doubt with a mouthful of noodles. He could've sworn Itachi was smiling at him behind the collar of his cloak, the little shit. 

It was around the fifth bowl of ramen that Kisame started to hit his limit. He stared into the endless abyss of delicious, rich pork broth and began to doubt his own mental and physical fortitude. 

"Go on, we have missions to accomplish," said Itachi, seemingly uninterested, and Kisame nodded reluctantly, his partner's glittering onyx eyes fixed on him as he suffered in a hell of his own creation. Behind the counter, Teuchi patted Ayame on the shoulder proudly. 

"That's my daughter," he said tearfully, and Ayame smirked. 

"We're not done yet," she said, and a new kind of fear struck itself into Kisame's heart. What had he gotten himself into?

 

Bowl number seven was where Kisame called it quits, dropping his chopsticks and bowing his head in shame. 

"I knew you'd give up at some point," said Ayame with an infuriatingly smug smile. Kisame would've lopped her head off with Samehada, but he couldn't find it in him to lift his arms. 

"If you're finished, we have something to do," said Itachi, paying Teuchi and trying not to think about his imminent execution by Kakuzu. 

There was silence as Itachi waited for Kisame to respond.

"Kisame, let's go," he prompted, crossing his arms. There was another pause, and then Kisame finally replied, his voice barely audible.

"...Itachi-san, I don't think I can move," he confessed into the counter. Itachi stood stock-still for a moment, unsure what to do with this new information. 

The more time went by, the more Kisame was sure Itachi would murder him right there on the spot- at this point, he couldn't possibly fight back- but he didn't, opting instead to sigh deeply and shake his head at his partner's predicament. 

"Well, you'll be in no shape to capture the Kyuubi for some time yet," said Itachi. "We'll get back to base as soon as possible, then."  
Sweet mercy, Kisame was lucky to have Itachi as a partner. 

 

An hour later, Itachi supported an utterly defeated Kisame as they headed out of Konoha, to return at a future date. 

"Have you learned your lesson?" asked Itachi drily. Kisame groaned. 

"What do you two think you're doing?" asked a voice, and Itachi turned to see a certain shinobi standing behind them, looking bored as ever with his nose in a book. Itachi hesitated, then turned away again and continued walking.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi Hatake," he said. "I have other matters to attend to currently." Kakashi gathered lighting in his hand, and Itachi wasted no time getting himself and Kisame the hell away from Konoha. 

 

"Did you get the Kyuubi?" asked Deidara back at their current headquarters, walking into a room to see Kisame lying on the floor in obvious pain while Itachi stared at him with a mixture of worry and apathy. 

"...In a way," said Itachi without looking up. 

"What happened to him?" asked Deidara, pointing to Kisame. "He looks like he ate a bijuu." 

"Close enough," admitted Itachi. Deidara raised an eyebrow. 

"Where can I find a bijuu to eat?" he asked. "I'm starving."

"Are you up for a challenge?" asked Itachi, hiding a grin.

"Hell yeah," said Deidara.

"Fuck yes," said Hidan from the next room over.

"Maybe in a few days," said Itachi. "See if you can beat Kisame here."

"You're on," said Deidara. 

"Is there a cash prize?" asked Kakuzu, materializing in the doorway. 

Itachi smiled. They really had no idea what they were in for. 

 

~to be continued~

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this!! More to come, eventually. Comments are my lifeblood :3


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